This essay is written from the point of view of the fictional character Malia Blu. Tell me a story that doesn’t end and I will tell you one that does. Sing me a song in all the languages in the world and I will reply with a word. A conclusion, a happily-ever-after, a period. Aren’t those what we desire? My name is Malia Blu. Concrete, simple, true. My adoptive mothers named me after a friend who died before I was born. My surname, my mothers chose when they married. I was born in China and I live in the United States. I am twenty-years-old. This is who I am. I am a person who is depressed, anorexic, extroverted. I am a sister, an adoptee, a writer. I love visiting the beach down the road. I appreciate the rain dripping down my roof. I take pleasure in laughing with my friends on Zoom. I know who I am. Except when I don’t. Ask me to tell a story about myself and I will tell you one that doesn’t end. Beg me to speak English and I will shout in Bulgarian or Cantonese. A continuation, a hodgepodge, a question mark. Those are what we hate. I don’t know my birth name. Do I even have one? I don’t know where I was born or how my biological parents met. I don’t even know what region of Zhejiang Province I’m truly from. Maybe I’m not even from Zhejiang. Is this who I am? Please. Just give me all the answers. Shove confidence down my soul. I crave to breath in and out with hope. I’m tired of day-after-day not knowing who I am. I am exhausted by the pain that has always existed and still thrives in this world. I want to smile at a friend without feeling like a fraud. Make me brave. Make me kind. Make me, me. Except, that is not how the world works. Share your story with the world and it will give you both answers that end and answers that don’t. Let words drip from your fingertips and mouth and only some will comprehend. A conundrum, a head-scratcher, an ellipsis. Maybe those are all that we are. Thank you for reading! If you like my story, please don’t be afraid to give it a share. Comments are always welcome and I love hearing your thoughts. Question: Do you think Malia is right in seeing identity as fluid?
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AuthorI'm Darcy Ridge, creating stories that all revolve around family and identity in a myriad of ways. In the past, I have shared multiple stories and published a novella online. You can find me on Wattpad and many other social media websites. They/them [Image Description: black background with the words "Social Justice and Mental Health Resources" in white in the center /end ID]
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