{MAY CONTAIN SPOILERS}
I just finished reading the first two chapters of "Magnets" by Abisha on Wattpad. I'm not a huge fan of romance, but this story is fairly interesting. The story follows childhood friends Josh and Veronica through their high-school years. There are positive elements to this story as well as parts that need some work. The characters are entertaining. I can understand Veronica's crush on Ashton and her uncertainties with Josh. I don't really understand Josh so well. I know it's only the first two chapters, but I should know more about him by now. All I know is he likes Veronica and the two of them are starting to have a sexual relationship. Try giving more indirect information about him by his posture, his looks, and the way he speaks. This way I can see him much better. The plot is at steady rate. The hook definitely was good and introduced the setting fairly well. I'll go more into setting later, but you've been doing a good job at not information dumping. Overall, I like the pace you're going and I'm excited to see what will happen. The imagery needs to be stronger. You have imagery, but I need to know more. What does the room look like? Are there any smells that affect the way she holds herself? Does the warm air calm her? Is the party loud? What sounds does she hear? Answering questions like these throughout the story will make your story so much stronger. The dialogue is awesome. I can tell their age and peek into their personalities through it. The dialogue was a way to help me learn more about Josh, so keep that up. Nice job! Now for the character interaction. You do a good job at showing what Veronica and Josh feel towards each other. The Ashton Miller part was great. At the party, show more of what Veronica thinks of the other people. It seems that she's embarrassed and maybe angry. Emphasize the feelings more. In all, nice job again. The storyline is intriguing. I'm not a huge fan of love stories, but yours isn't too bad. What really brought me in was the sarcasm and humor. The love story isn't predictable which adds to its uniqueness. I'm enjoying your story. The setting is fairly easy to tell. Adding imagery will definitely help with mood and temperature. The story seems to be taking a serious mood rimmed with humor in an average town in modern times. Thank you for making those facts clear. Your story, "Magnets" is good love story I hope you continue. Thank you for sharing and keep on writing.
0 Comments
My favorite place to write is my bedroom. It's a place I know well and truly experience the comforts of home. There's a nice window I can look out to see the beautiful outdoors. I get the perfect balance of inside and outside noises. I love it so much. Where are you favorite writing places? Why?
|
AuthorI'm Darcy Ridge, creating stories that all revolve around family and identity in a myriad of ways. In the past, I have shared multiple stories and published a novella online. You can find me on Wattpad and many other social media websites. They/them [Image Description: black background with the words "Social Justice and Mental Health Resources" in white in the center /end ID]
Click image for a list of social justice and mental health resources. Archives
August 2020
Categories
All
|